Humor Everywhere You Look

If nothing else, we're an entertaining species. Sometimes people anger me, sometimes it's their accomplishments or shortcomings that lead me to astonishment, other times it's people's idiocies and ignorance that leaves me speechless or with too much to say... One thing is always true though, people are always entertaining.

Take for instance this character in the "News" article below...

Choir director brings prayers for lower gas prices to SF
AP Associated Press: Sun Apr 27, 7:20 PM ET

SAN FRANCISCO - A choir director who hopes prayer can bring down high gas prices is trying out his approach at some of the costliest pumps in the country.
Rocky Twyman of Washington, D.C., came to San Francisco over the weekend to stage a pray-in at a Chevron station. He is also calling on churchgoers to ask for God's intervention where he says politicians have failed.
Gas costing $4 a gallon or more has become common around the San Francisco Bay area.
The 59-year-old Twyman says people praying for cheaper fuel should also walk more and use car pools.
Twyman also works as a community organizer and public relations consultant. He has led campaigns to nominate Oprah Winfrey for the Nobel Peace Prize and to encourage African Americans to donate bone marrow.

I mean, come on. This is great. "Dear Lord. Would you please watch over my family, my friends and all those who are good on Earth and in Heaven above as we go about our daily lives trying to do what is right and live our lives as we feel you see fit. PS, could you please drop the price of gas down, just a notch? I mean, you're breaking my balls here, Lord. Jesus Christ! Cut us some slack here in America. Amen."

It's characters like this that bring entertainment value to topics that really shouldn't be funny or entertaining.

Hey, at least the guy is doing something. More than I can say. I don't even complain about the price of gas anymore. I just laugh every time I see an article about the price of crude rising to a new "All time high." Then every quarter, I see an article showing Exxon Mobil posting record earnings. It's great. I especially love how much they earn per second, $1,300. I don't even earn that much in a year.

Exxon shatters profit records
Oil giant makes corporate history by booking $11.7 billion in quarterly profit; earns $1,300 a second in 2007.
By David Ellis, CNNMoney.com staff writer
February 1 2008: 2:26 PM EST

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Exxon Mobil made history on Friday by reporting the highest quarterly and annual profits ever for a U.S. company, boosted in large part by soaring crude prices.
Exxon, the world's largest publicly traded oil company, said fourth-quarter net income rose 14% to $11.66 billion, or $2.13 per share. The company earned $10.25 billion, or $1.76 per share, in the year-ago period.
The profit topped Exxon's previous quarterly record of $10.7 billion, set in the fourth quarter of 2005, which also was an all-time high for a U.S. corporation.
"Exxon can put out some amazing numbers and this is one of those cases," said Jason Gammel, senior analyst at Macquarie Securities in New York.
Exxon also set an annual profit record by earning $40.61 billion last year - or nearly $1,300 per second in 2007. That exceeded its previous record of $39.5 billion in 2006.
In the fourth quarter, the company said revenue rose 29.5% from a year ago to $116.64 billion.
Analysts were looking for the company to report quarterly profit of $10.36 billion on revenue of $114.9 billion, according to earnings tracker Thomson Financial.
Despite topping Wall Street's estimates, Exxon (XOM, Fortune 500) shares slipped in afternoon trading.
The company reported strong results in its worldwide exploration and production, or "upstream," business. Profit rose 32% to $8.2 billion during the quarter, offsetting some weakness earlier in the year.
Income in Exxon's refining, or "downstream," business rose 15.7% during the quarter to $2.27 billion.
Exxon attributed its impressive results to strong performance across its divisions, but a large part of the profit surge was underpinned by climbing oil prices.
Crude prices skyrocketed nearly 60% last year. The surge helped prices break through the $100 a barrel mark for the first time ever early last month. Since crossing that milestone, prices have eased to around $90 a barrel.
Natural gas prices also jumped last year, albeit marginally. But costs have also increased for the oil companies, which is why profits haven't risen as rapidly as crude prices.
Big oil companies that both pump oil and refine crude into gasoline have to spend more for crude but are unable to pass on all the extra cost to consumers, which eats in to gasoline profit margins.
The average price for a gallon of regular gasoline hit an all-time high of $3.23 in May, according to the motorist organization AAA. The high prices were blamed on strong demand and a series of accidents that shut down refineries in the U.S. But slack demand for gasoline in the latter half of last year kept gas prices from rising as dramatically as crude prices.
Exxon's record results, which coincide with smaller rival Chevron's (CVX, Fortune 500) profit jump, drew some fire from both government officials and consumer rights groups, who have argued previously that the the oil industry is deliberately restricting supply and profiting on the back of U.S. motorists.
Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y. took a swipe at the two firms, calling on fellow lawmakers to break the country's dependence on foreign oil and rollback unnecessary tax incentives for oil companies.
Judy Dugan, research director of The Foundation for Taxpayer and Consumer Rights, urged Congress to initiate some oversight into unregulated energy trading markets, which have been accused of helping to drive up the price of oil.
"Exxon is happy to take advantage of these prices," said Dugan.
But finding oil has also become more costly. The oil boom has led to a surge in exploration and drilling activity, which has pushed up the price for skilled workers and equipment.
Furthermore, new supplies of oil are increasingly difficult to find and generally tend to be located in harder to reach - and hence more expensive - places. The new natural gas field discovered this week by Brazil's Petrobras lies three miles under the ocean.
ExxonMobil representatives also stressed the cyclical nature of the business and noted that growing global demand for energy will require companies to heavily invest in future growth. The company said it estimates that global demand will grow by 30 percent by 2030.
"The challenge for all of us in the industry is how to we meet that increased demand," said Henry Hubble, vice president of investor relations.
Exxon and Chevron aren't the only two oil giants to report impressive earnings recently. Conoco (COP, Fortune 500), the nation's third-largest oil company, trounced profit estimates by nearly 25% when it reported last week. And Royal Dutch Shell PLC, Europe's largest oil company, reported a 60% increase in profits Thursday.
-CNNMoney.com staff writer Steve Hargreaves contributed to this report

The best has to be how of late, ever time the most insignificant thing happens that even remotely involves anything having to do with oil or gasoline, people shit a brick and the price of crude jumps $5 a barrel. I can't wait till OPEC decides to start basing prices off the Euro instead of the Dollar. Think prices are high now? We'll probably be going to war with Afghanistan to prevent that within the next few years though, so instead of high fuel prices, we'll just have to keep shelling out half our salaries to fuel our military and all it's noble endeavors.

Long story short, I just felt like bitching for a little while. As for my plans, instead of doing something about it, I've decided that for the time being I'll just keep going on about my daily routine which involves off-roading in a fuel-guzzling rental 4x4. It's so much easier that way.

How about we all get together and pour out a little oil for our homies.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Since the last blog was lacking in the photo department, I've chosen to throw on some pictures from yesterday and today. Seeing as though we're pretty worn out, and we've gotten about 85% of the work completed, we opted for a Saturday off. I'll show the pics from today a little later. First, here are some from the survey area.

Can't really see them too well, should have taken a picture on a nicer day. The Bulgarian military, in all their glory, is performing some training. They've been shelling the hillside with some old tanks... pretty wild to watch and hear. As long as them keep the tanks aimed that way, I'm happy.

These little guys are pretty common in the woods and in the fields, but not nearly as common as the damn lizards all over the place.

One of the Shepherd's dogs eyeing me up. Everyday, a number of herds would come through the site. The dogs would flip out when they would see Joe or I and the Shepherd would whack them on the head with his stick and yell some gibberish at them so that they would leave us alone. Always entertaining. They had goats, sheep and cows most of the time. The craziest thing though was when Joe and I saw a herd of free-range chickens come through the site. Instead of dogs, the Shepherd used about 5 or 6 cats to keep them together. Pretty crazy. I noticed Joe's mouth beginning to water when he saw the chickens, so I had to grab a stick and whack him on the head and yell some gibberish at him to prevent him from trying to eat one of them.

Shepherd and his herd.

One of the billions of lizards that run around the site. They startle you every time you come up on one, especially once I had seen a snake. Most are small, but I've seen some up to about a foot long from head to tail.

Dude laying in his car with his fishing poles cast. Had cow bells hooked up so he'd know when he had a bite. Not a bad life.

Now for today's little trip.

We drove into the Natural Park "Sinite Kamuni" (Blue Rocks) to do a little site-seeing and exploring. It lies just north of town. Here's some photos from the journey.

This is a road?

Che in Bulgaria??? I could see Argentina or Cuba, but Bulgaria? It's a small, Marxist world we live in isn't it?

Joe and his buddy... which he just moments later pissed behind.

Sliven. Wish it were a clear day, but alas, we played the hand we were dealt.

Part of the Bulcans.

Commence off-roading.

Jeep. There's only one.

The horse I road in on. She was a beast today. I'm pretty sure we broke the rental car contract.

I had to do it.

Let's go Phillies, Flyers and Sixers!

Oh My Goodness.

I figured a blog post would be the only way to put a cap on this most glorious of Bulgarian evenings. Tonight, was Steve night. If I don't love myself, than who will.

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Upon returning home (the Park Central Hotel), I drew myself a hot bubble bath... yes, bubble bath. Whilst basking in the glory that is a warm bath, I removed the prickers from my legs and arms, scrubbed the grit and grime away, tended to my feet then polished off a chapter of the book I'm currently reading. Once clean, I adorned my finest t-shirt and pair of jeans, threw on my timbos and headed down to all my friends at the hotel bar (Collin & Walshy, the staff easily rivals the crew out in the Sac). Upon receiving and distributing the usual series of "Ciaos", I was much obliged to adhere to my sophisticated palets request for a Beefeater gin and tonic. Dining upon meals fit for kings, my colleague Joseph (Brosef) and I sat around and bickered over such proper dinner conversations as who was more sore and what the worst jobs we'd ever been on were. When the clock struck 6, I limped my sorry ass downstairs, where my masseuse awaited. A $25 (with good tip), hour long, full-body massage ensued... It was as if it were a gift from God. Once complete, I slipped back into my fine garments and floated back up to my room where I sit now, drinking a bottle of Bulgarian wine, and typing to you good people... Why can't life always be this easy?

Now back to reality (That really was my afternoon though)

I wish I had gotten a massage earlier in the trip instead of waiting until the final few days to get one... what on Earth was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't.

What's messed up is that the masseuse said I had the tightest back muscles she's had to massage in a long time... and when she went to massage my feet and I apologized for their state of being, she said that they reminded her of feet "Like a soldiers." Yesssss... I cannot wait to get back to the states, slip my feet into some comfy shoes and march my soldier foot having behind down to a store to pick up some new work boots.

Today while driving to the site with Brosef, we discussed whether or not I was homophobic for worrying about getting a masseur instead of a masseuse. I think we both agreed that it's not about being afraid of getting rubbed down by a dude and the whole gay aspect and all, but simply that we prefer, and feel more comfortable with the touch of a woman, instead of a man. What's your take? The whole thing reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George and Jerry get massages. George ends up getting one from a guy and is all weirded out by the situation... the best quote has to be when he admits that "I think it moved."

George: He was... touching and rubbing.

Jerry: That's a massage.

George: And then I took my pants off.

Jerry: You took your pants off?

George: For my hamstring.

Jerry: Oh.

George: He got about two inches from... there.

Jerry: Really?

George: I think it moved.

Jerry: Moved?

George: It may have moved, I don't know.

Jerry: I'm sure it didn't move.

George: It moved! It was imperceptible but I felt it.

Jerry: Maybe it just wanted to change positions? You know, shift to the other side.

George: No, no. It wasn't a shift, I've shifted, this was a move.

Jerry: Okay, so what if it moved?

George: That's the sign! The test; if a man makes it move.

Jerry: That's not the test. Contact is the test, if it moves as a result of contact.

George: You think it's contact? It has to be touched?

Jerry: That's what a gym teacher once told me.

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Great stuff.

So, as expected Brosef ordered chicken for his first meal in Sliven. Here's proof.

He asked that I "Please don't tell Collin" about the incident, and since I'm such a good pal, I said I wouldn't. However, if Collin so happens to come across this while reading the blog, than I surely can't be held accountable. Brosef also bought two Snickers the very next morning. Obviously this information only pertains to those of you in the geophysics group... for those others who aren't, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about.

The weather of late has been great, minus today.

Little outdoor cafe action right by the hotel.

FYI, I dropped off Mike at the Sofia airport on Sunday and picked up Brosef... exchanging worn goods for new ones. Not sure if I've blogged since then.

While at the airport I almost got a ticket for parking in the wrong drop-off area, fortunately I was let off the hook. Then on the way home I got pulled over for speeding. They made me get out of the car and walk to theirs where they checked my rental papers, passport and MD license... they then proceeded to laugh when they saw I was American and tell me to go on. ??? I then got pulled over the next day and the same thing happened. ??? I think they just assume that I won't pay the tickets anyway or something of that nature and opt not to ticket me. The thing is, I really wasn't speeding all that bad... at least compared to what the maniacs do here. I can't even explain the driving rules, they're nuts. I saw a car pass another car that was passing a car on a two lane road. And there wasn't even a long break in oncoming traffic. There appears to be a mystical third lane that exists. It really is an amazing thing. I wish my words could do it justice.

I'm running out of steam here. This has been a long blog, I don't know how long I can keep this up.

Think I'll be returning to the states on Tuesday. Give ourselves plenty of time to finish up and then another day off to do some exploring. I mean, when else am I going to be in Bulgaria?

Sorry for not putting up many pictures... I'll be sure to take more over the next few days.

Ciao,

Steve

US vs. Argentina

Planning on picking up some tickets for the US vs. Argentina match on June 8th up in East Rutherford... If anyone is interested in going, let me know. The match is on a Sunday evening... more info can be found below.

http://www.ussoccer.com/articles/viewArticle.jsp_5963785.html

It shall be glorious.

Up to Speed

One week down, ? to go.

Two cats are mauling one another outside my hotel right now. It's a daily occurrence. I especially love it when they go at it at 1 in the morning and all the neighborhood dogs chime in with their opinion on the matter. I wish I had a bucket of water to throw on them.

There's a whole posse of pussies that live in an abandoned lot out back. It's great for local property values.

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We were able to head east to the Black Sea today. Saw a few small towns and the city of Burgas. Checked out some of the coastline, got my sand and had an espresso and juice. That was about all she wrote for the trip. Mike and I were both pretty beat and not really up for a full day of exploring, so we headed back to the hotel, got some dinner and now here I am.

The Black Sea from Burgas on a rather hazy day.

A view of the Black Sea and a small town south of Burgas.

About the aforementioned juice... Everyone drinks juice. If a Bulgarian is thirsty, they reach for a juice. Not water, that's absurd and unheard of. They grab a juice. I don't quite get it, but there's plenty of things already on the list of things I don't get. I was asking George (our friendly bartender) about the obsession with juice, and he just said that ordering a water is unthinkable. I asked him what the futbol and basketball players drink when they're playing, seeing as though I doubt they have a huge jug of juice sitting on the sidelines. He agreed that it was probably water. So bam, take that George. Water is tops.

While I'm ranting, I'd also like to touch upon another beef I have with the Bulgers; Their head nods are mixed up. When they are saying yes, they shake their heads no and when saying no, they shake their heads yes... It's freaking confusing. George informed me that they're (the Bularians) are the only people he's aware of that do it that way. Crazy stuff going on over here, it's like some messed up bizarro world. I'll probably end up running into Bizarro Steve... He'll have the same name, DOB, lineage, etc except he'll be smart, attractive, funny and athletic.

As I've stated in my previous blog, I'm sore. My feet have never been this jacked up before... days off have never been this necessary.

DC United continues to lose, I think they need my support.

The Fly-Guys are hopefully about to take the opening series from the hapless Caps... Bwaa Ha Haaa! C-A-P-S Suck Suck Suck!

Now watch, the Flyers will lose in 7, all because of me.

I've come to realize that I have a specific pose that I like to hold when being photographed in semi-exotic locals. Here it is in Adak, Alaska

Here it is in Slupsk, Poland.

And most recently, here it is in Bulgaria.

I think everyone should have a pose.

I don't know how I'm going to entertain myself at night now. I just completed season 4 of The Wire but failed to download season 5 before coming to the Bulg... Shhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiittt as Senator Clay Davis would say. I tried to DL 5 from the hotel, but it's taking way too long. May just have to go on a Wire hiatus for a while. Blast.

Check out this billboard... Isn't it great?

That's the biggest nipple I've ever seen, has to be bigger than my peanut head! There's another one where some chick with her underboobs hanging out has a 2x4 or something appearing as though it's being shoved somewhere where it shouldn't be if you catch my drift. I think it's an add for a hardware store but I dono. If I can recall correctly, she's wearing boots and a hardhat. Now I know why there's so many grave markers on the sides of the roads here.

Lets play a little game. See if you can find me. It's like Where's Waldo, except my name is Steve, and I'm not dressed like Waldo. You can tell I'm out of Wire episodes, I'm bored and as a result, this is turning into a really long and uneventful blog. Anyways, back to the game.

See me?

Any luck?

How about now?

There be me.

Good day from the Bulg.

- Waldo

Battle of the Bulg

Alright, you have another language with words comprised of only the letter patterns unfamiliar to me, and I stand a chance of figuring it out, or at least pronouncing it... you go and entirely switch up the alphabet on me, I don't stand a chance.

Enter Bulgaria

I feel this country has a ton to offer to the average tourist. I've only been here for a few days, seen only the airport of the largest city and a small portion of the 8th largest city, and it's left me with a desire to get out and see so much more.

Sliven amidst the Bulcan Range.

Weather's been shit... the forecast shows some marvelous days ahead.

The Black Sea isn't out of reach... hopefully we (Mike and I) can get a large portion of the survey area completed over the next two days (Thr & Fri), and be able to take off Saturday, before I have to take Mike to the Sofia Airport. I foresee us traveling to the coastline and checking out some of the scenic towns.

The survey itself is going about as well as can be expected... It's freaking tough work though. The Geonics EM31 is a beast... and not in the good sense. It's so ridiculously cumbersome. After lugging this piece around over 1o acres of survey area at less than 3 meter spacing over the last two days, I'm torn up. I can only remember being more sore than I am now one other time in my life... that's no good.

Some of the survey area

Here's the beast and the other beast... note how we were able to rent an American SUV... shit came in handy today... the car that is. Never will I question a Jeep's ability to get out of a jam. I would post some pics of Mike Jeepin' it, but none do it justice.

Fun-In-The-Sun-Day went on without a hitch in my absence. I hope I'm not too easily replaced. I was afraid of being demoted to the sixth man... now I'm hoping to even gain a spot on the bench.

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Mad stuff I'd love to delve into, but I think I'll see if I can't photograph some more and save some for another edition of the ol' blog.

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Good day from the Bulg,
Steve

I'm Beat

Traveling takes it out of you...

I'm straight up exhausted. Hopefully I can formulate and express a cognitive thought or two in this blog.

After a layover in Munich or Munchen as it's meant to be called, Mike and I have arrived in Sliven. Scenery wise, Bulgaria is gorgeous. It reminds me of Northern California with a mix of Montana or South Dakota or something. Here's a few pics of our drive from Sofia, the capital, to Sliven.

Closer to Sliven there were vineyards all over the place. Apparently wine is huge over here.

The hotel is definitely nice. There's no construction going on outside our rooms as there was in Poland, and we don't have to jack internet from a neighboring hotel. Seems like a decent place to call home for the next ? days.

Check it out, I have two toilets!!!

Not only that, but our elevator is sweet. Reminds me of Charley and the Chocolate Factory or something.

As I said, the hotel is nice, as for the rest of the town..... wellllll.... That's still up in the air. Here's a view from one of my hotel windows.

Yea, sweet.

There appears to be some nice parts of town, but as seen above, there's some areas that aren't exactly touristy hot spots. I'll be able to see more later in the week.

I'll leave you with this glorious pic

Good day from the Bulg, I'm off to bed. The fun begins nice and early tomorrow morning. Just hope the jet lag isn't too bad.

SAGEEP 08...

Philadelphia.... wow.

I never expected SAGEEP (Symposium on the Application of Geophysics to Engineering & Environmental Problems - but you already knew that) to be that much fun. Myself, a certain Mr. Strine-Zuroski and a certain Mr. Gonzalez all departed for the nation's first capitol this past Sunday afternoon. It's amazing that we were able to pack that much learning and that much drinking into the same day for three days straight.

Not going to go into too much detail, but here's a brief rundown on the trip. The geophysical aspect of the trip went pretty well. Got to put some faces to names on people that I've had dealings with over the phone and via email, I sat in on some interesting lecture series (some of which were way over my head) and I got to check out some new equipment that hopefully I can get my hands on sometime soon. The food and drink aspect of the trip though, was quite easily equally enjoyable. We hit up a few really chill bars including the oldest one in the city http://www.mcgillins.com/. The best had to be a bar in Old City Phila that had $2 drinks and shots from 5-7. They had 40 beers on tap including a bunch of micros from Philly that we were more than happy to indulge in. It's quite amazing that I was able to spend $68 in an hour and a half there on Tuesday afternoon. Yesssss.... Don't even say anything Mom. Sometimes there's certain things in life that you just have to do.

Another highlight was the sushi place we ate at everyday for lunch., RAW Sushi & Sake Lounge. http://www.rawlounge.net/ Not only was the sushi chronic, but the bathroom was crazy as well. You pee against the wall while a stream of water pours down it, and on the wall is some wild picture of some samurai chick holding a huge sword. Sort of weird peeing against a wall on the feet of some lady. Then the sink was one of those flat sinks that has no bowl, the water just hits the marble and flows off... really cool. I want one for my house.

Some other trip highlights have to have been checking out equipment on the lawn down by Independence Hall, having the ex-mayor John Street throw me the "Black Power" fist as he hopped in some ladies car, having Collin and Victor think that John Street was actually the Rev. Al Sharpton, laughing when Collin thought he had finally seen a dead person, meeting the infamous J. Nich., watching Vic fight falling asleep on various surfaces... none of which were his bed, watching a vegetarian eat a Philly cheesesteak and figuring out my children's future names. Soy & Ooo (pronounced more like eww).

Good trip. Now it's time to finish preparations for Bulgaria.

Oh and still no Harley.

Huh? I'm doin' what now?

Dearest of friends,

I shall be leaving you all once again. I know, it’s upsetting isn't it? Fortunately, Hoosteady.blogspot.com is here to keep you in touch with my happenings as I travel to remote expanses of this most glorious of worlds. No, Steveski’s Blogski is not making its triumphant return for I’ll not be venturing to the land of the Pollocks. This time, I’ll be blogging to you from the land of the Bulgar’s, home of the great Spartacus. You guessed it, Стефан (Steve in Bulgarian) is headed to Bulgaria.
It appears as though I’ll be shipping out (and by shipping I mean flying) Saturday the 12th for a three week stint. Definitely excited about going, would be a fool not to be… But part of me wants to chill out in MD, ride my bike, play some soccer and bball, go to some United games and eat American food. But shit, a free ride to Bulgaria, can’t pass that one up.

I’ll be staying in the town of Sliven, seen below. I’m still not exactly sure where it is that I’ll be working though. Think it’s about 45 minutes to the east. They only tell the peons so much. The air and water there are supposed to be crazy clean, which will be nice. Apparently they have some really cool hot springs. I’m hoping that I’ll have a day or two off to check out some stuff, though highly unlikely. I’ll be 130 kms from both Greece and Turkey (gobble gobble), not to mention the Black Sea is about the same distance.

So stay tuned, I’ll let you know what transpires… I just hope everything goes off w/o a hitch. If you’re trying to hang out before I bounce, you know the number to call.


Good day from MD.

Стефан

P.S.

I'm being forced to admit that I may have spittled a slight amount on myself while down in Blacksburg, VA a week or so back... while in public. There, I said it. Happy?